Christmas!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all those who celebrate!

Every year, the women on both sides of our family get together and bake Christmas cookies.  The little ones help us decorate!

We love picking out the perfect Christmas tree!  We have an artificial tree to light up our front window, but we always choose a real one for our family room that we decorate with special family ornaments.  Each year, we purchase an ornament that represents another year of togetherness.

What an awesome Christmas holiday we spent this year with family and friends!  On Christmas Eve, we attended mass at Mike's Mom's Church, where she performed the holiday service.  Mom always adds a very personal touch to her sermons and she had a very nice message for the congregation about hope and faith.  Afterwards, we all went over to Kit's parents' home for a yummy dinner!

Enjoying the snow!

View of the backyard rink.

Our wishes came true and we had a white Christmas this year!  The weather has been much warmer this December than most years, but Mother Nature cooperated.  We had lots of snow and even some ice forming on the backyard rink!

Christmas Day, we had both our families at our house for a full day of celebration!  Tommy was so excited for Christmas this year and was excited to receive his gifts from Santa!  This year, Tommy's birth parents and birth sister joined us for part of the day, which was really nice.  We are so fortunate to have them close by and to be with them during events both large and small.

Thoughts and prayers

Our thoughts and prayers are with all those whose lives have been affected by the terrible and senseless shootings at Sandy Hook Elementary School.  It has been a time of grieving, but also a time of honoring the bravery and selflessness that can emerge out of tragedy. 

We will not forget...

 

     

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is one of our favorite holidays.  Who doesn't love turkey and stuffing and potatoes and pies?!  Ha!  We have celebrated Thanksgiving together with our families ever since the days we were first dating in high school.  Even when we were living in different parts of the country, we always made a point to come home for the holiday... it's great that we now live where our parents and siblings are only minutes away!  While we see family on a very regular basis, Thanksgiving is always such a special day to be together and to share our gratitude for one another and the blessings in our lives.  And did we mention turkey?!   

 

We have started to get excited for the upcoming winter!  Mike has been making preparations to build our first backyard ice rink.  We bought Tommy his first pair of skates and he's already been out practicing on the local rinks.  Kit has already started to organize the Christmas decorations and make plans for Christmas Day.  The last five years or so, we have hosted both families at our home for the Christmas holiday.  We love having lots of people in the house!

 

Kit made an Advent Calendar to count down the days in December until Christmas.

 

Annual Family Ornament

 

We are excited to have another little one in our home... to share all these fun family moments!  We also look forward to welcoming another birth family into our lives.  We are always grateful for the wonderful individuals that made it possible for us to be a family... our son's birth family.  As you can see from our Blog, we see A and M (and now Baby A too!)  regularly, but we also make sure, especially around the holidays, to be together and celebrate family.

 

Happy Thanksgiving! 

Thanks again for visiting and learning more about us! 
 

 

National Adoption Awareness Month

November is National Adoption Awareness Month.  It's a time to celebrate families, build awareness about adoption, and become involved in various adoption related activities.  National Adoption Awareness Month is a time to bring added attention to the experiences of those children in foster care, in the hopes they will soon be connected with their forever families.

 

We are always very open with our son about his adoption story, but we take special time during this month to sit down and look at a life book we made for him (his birth parents have a copy too!) about our journey with his birth parents prior to his birth... our first meeting with them, pictures of him in utero, wishes they had for him.  We are so grateful for our son's birth parents and their continued involvment in our lives. 

Here are some links related to National Adoption Awareness Month:

President Obama's Proclamation

The Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption
Ideas for daily activities for the month
Adoption.com

 

 

 

 

Bring out the vote!

Love or hate the results of the elections, we are fortunate to live in a country that allows its citizens the right to vote!  Last night, we voted as a family and introduced our son to his first presidential election! 

Waiting family

We've added our Dear Expectant Parent letter to our adoption agency's website!  If you are considering an adoption plan and would like to learn more about us or other waiting adoptive families, we've included a link!

Adoption Star: Family Albums

The gift of open adoption

Written by Kit...

Today, Tommy and I spent a fun fall afternoon with Tommy's birth mother and birth sister.  There's a great pumpkin farm near our home and we thought it would be fun to take the kiddos there to see all the pumpkins, feed some animals, and play in the playground!  Tommy had a blast!  It will be so fun next year when Baby A will be able to join him in all the activities!  A and I agreed that it's such a gift to be able to have the children grow up together and to share these special moments.

We hope to grow our family again through open adoption.  However, we would respect a birth parent's decision around post-placement contact.  We know that whatever relationship develops, our children will always know their adoption stories and know that they are loved!

We could all use support!

Last night we spoke at a meeting for waiting adoptive families at our adoption agency, Adoption STAR. We are part of a wonderful support group there called SOFIA (Supporting Our Families Interested in Adoption); and we were there, along with other adoptive families, to answer questions and to share our adoption experiences with families of the agency waiting to adopt.

We always enjoy these chances to share our story and to support others through the adoption process. We remember the first time going through this, there was so much excitement and hopefulness, but also moments of uncertainty and frustration.  As an adoptive family AND a waiting adoptive family again, it was especially helpful for us. We had a chance to share our positive experiences with open adoption, the occasional challenges of transracial adoption, and offered tips on private networking.  We learned a lot from others too! In listening to the other families, we're reminded how everyone's story and journey to adoption is so different, but also so uniquely beautiful! We left feeling recharged and ready for whatever is ahead of us!

Transracial adoption: tolerance and adoption education

As children have been returning to school, several of the adoption blogs and websites that we frequent have been talking about tolerance and educating children (and adults as well!) about adoption.  Like most adoptive families, we regularly field questions and comments about adoption.  Having adopted transracially, there is a tendency for our family to draw some added attention and for comments or questions to occur quite frequently while in public.

Most of the time, people are merely curious or simply want to know more about our adoption experience, but other times comments can be offensive or hurtful.  For those who read this blog, we recently wrote about the family reunion on Kit's side of the family.  Kit also posted pictures on Facebook.

Under this picture of Tommy lined up by age with his cousins, a friend of a friend of a friend on Facebook commented:

"lmao random ass white boy at the end lmfao!!!"

Yes, this was a publicly posted comment!! While it is true that Tommy looks different from his cousins (who by the way, are all of different cultural backgrounds- Pacific Islander, Asian, Hispanic), the comment that he is "random" implies that he is separate or apart from his family, that he somehow does not belong because his skin color does not match his cousins'.  It's also disturbing that our son is referred to as a "random a** white boy"... he's only 2 years old!!

It's difficult knowing that this will likely not be the last time that our son is singled out as different or that his adoption will be viewed as a negative. We try to deal with these issues tactfully, which truthfully, can be challenging when those Mama and Papa Bear buttons get pushed! We certainly may look different, but our love is as strong as any family's. We are a real family. There's nothing wrong or weird about the fact that Tommy and Mommy have different skin tones or that Tommy doesn't quite look like Daddy. We want to educate Tommy, and any other children we may have, about tolerance and the different types of families that are out there, whether this be an adoptive family, blended family, one with two dads or two moms, etc. We regularly read Tommy books about adoption, several of which address transracial adoption. Some of our favorites are "A Mother For Choco" by Keiko Kasza, "A Blessing from Above" by Patti Henderson, "I Wished for You: An Adoption Story" by Marianne Richmond, and "The Family Book" by Todd Parr.

Below are links to blogs and resources to help educate families and educators about adoption.    

Adoption STAR: Our adoption agency recently wrote an article about educating school aged children about adoption.

"Rage Against the Minivan": Kristen blogs about a recent experience with her son.  She offers good insights and provides some good reading material about positive adoption language.

Adoptive Families Magazine: This page contains information to share with children and educators about adoption.

Birthdays and family reunions

The house seems so quiet the last couple days, after an awesome Labor Day weekend with friends and out-of-town family.  This past weekend, we celebrated the 70th Birthday of Kit's Mom!  Family came in from Illinois, Florida, Virginia, and downstate to surprise her!  Lola (the Filipino term for Grandma) was so excited to see everyone.  We laughed, played, and enjoyed our togetherness, but also reflected on the loss of those who were unable to be with us.  Kit recently lost a wonderful Aunt and her presence was certainly noticed and missed.

Poolside with the family

Many of the out-of-towners stayed at our place- 18 people in total including us, 7 of whom were kids!!  People were in bedrooms, on couches, in sleeping bags, wherever... it didn't seem to matter, just that we were all together!      

Tommy had a blast playing with his cousins.  The day after everyone left, he said, "where everybody go?"  We feel so fortunate that Tommy is able to enjoy these large family gatherings.  Growing up, we each loved taking road trips to Chicago or Virginia Beach or Toronto to visit our families; and it's great to be able to share these special family moments with our son.  We're already planning another big reunion for next summer and hopefully some smaller trips before that!

The next generation of cousins

The family is one of nature's masterpieces.

- George Santayana

Winding down the summer. Staycation? Nope, not us!!

Last weekend, we had what has now become a tradition at our place- our second annual luau and pig roast!  Kit's Dad acquired a Cajun roasting oven from New Orleans some years ago and he has perfected the art of roasting whole pork!  Throw in some appetizers, side dishes, and some awesome friends and family... and it's just a great celebration to start winding down the summer.  Last year, many of our friends' children were still in strollers and car seats.  This year, it was fun to see them running around the yard and playing along with Tommy on the swingset or in the sandbox.  There were also several new babies, which is always so much fun to see!  We had such a good time!

Lolo and Lola: The Chef and his assistant!

On Sunday, we spent an afternoon with Kit's parents and her sister's family out in the country, where Kit's parents have some farmland.  Our nieces and nephews really like watching "Ninja Warrior;" and they've been setting up their own obstacle courses during the summer.  Tommy had fun trying out the suspended balance beam, but he really loved running through the cornfield (thank goodness he didn't get lost!) and catching grasshoppers and crickets with Lolo!

Hiking with Lola

Picking Corn

We took the rest of the week off, thinking we would just take a Staycation at home.  However, we decided last minute to spend the week up at Mike's family cottage.  We're so glad we did!  The weather was sunny and warm every day... perfect for swimming, boat rides, and fishing!   Mike's Mom came up with us and had fun hiking and paddle-boating with Tommy.

Yay we made it!

Mike and Tommy fishing

Going for a boat ride

Paddle boating with Grandma

The view from the dock

Relaxing on the dock

Canoeing

This week reminded us of how grateful we are for our family and friends.  They've been so supportive of us through everything.... and they're just really fun to be around too!  We know we will be surrounded by so much love when another child comes into our lives.            

Featured Family!

Throughout our adoption journeys, we have met some wonderfully supportive individuals, some who we've met online through Twitter, Facebook, or other adoption forums.  We were recently interviewed by Kathryn, a birth mother and adoption advocate, who blogs about her experience with open adoption.  She periodically spotlights adoptive families and those hoping to adopt; and she featured us on her blog!  Check it out!

Kathryn's Blog: Letters To My Baby Boy 
Kathryn's Twitter Feed: @Letters2BabyBoy

Congrats!

Congratulations to Reese Hoffa, U.S. Olympic shot-putter, on his Bronze medal!!  

Reese was adopted at the age of 5 years; and in 2000, he was reunited with his birth mother, who remains an important part of his life.  Reese is an outspoken advocate for open adoption.

Learn More About Him:

Washington Post: "American shot putter Reese Hoffa takes bronze at London Olympics"

Official Website: ReeseHoffa.com 

The Cottage

We spent this past long weekend up in Canada, at the cottage.  The cottage has been in Mike's family for several decades.  Mike and his brother spent many summers there growing up and the cottage has become a very special place for us over the years.  It was where Mike proposed to Kit and it is just a wonderful place to relax, swim, hike, fish, stargaze... you name it!  We also have many family gatherings at the cottage; and this weekend was no different.  It was great to catch up with aunts, uncles, and cousins.

We're so excited to be able to share the cottage experience with Tommy!  Last year, the cottage was still a bit much for Tommy to manage, but this year, being the busy and curious toddler he is, the cottage was right up his alley!  Tommy was excited to "go camping," to sleep in a tent, use his own sleeping bag, and catch his first fish with his new fishing pole!  The weather was perfect and we enjoyed splashing in the water, paddle boating (Tommy steered "like Captain Hook"), and getting out on the boat.  Mike even got in a bit of wakeboarding, while Kit worked on her tan!

Evenings were spent by the campfire talking, listening to music, and having S'mores of course!  We were actually surprised that Tommy isn't a big S'mores fan... so Mommy and Daddy had to make the sacrifice and eat his!  Ha!

Going for a boat ride!

It's always a bit hard to come home, but we're looking forward to another trip up there soon!  

Good times over hot dogs and ice cream...

Tonight, Tommy's birth parents and birth sister came over to our house for an impromptu dinner- hot dogs, potato salad, spring greens, and ice cream... the perfect summer meal!  Ha!  With A and M adjusting to life with Baby A, and with our crazy schedules this summer, it's been hard to find a time to get together... but we finally got a chance tonight!  Tommy was very excited all day, telling his cousins, "[A and M] coming for dinner... and baby too!"

It was so great to catch up and to see the kids together.  Tommy was so sweet with Baby A, patting her on the tummy and wanting to kiss and hug her!  A and M got a kick out of comparing and contrasting the children's temperaments and habits.  Tommy and Baby A seem to have some similarities, but also many unique qualities that make them each so special.  It will be so neat to see their relationship grow!

We feel so fortunate to have the relationship we do with Tommy's birth family.  As in any relationship, there are no rules and the dynamics are always shifting and changing.  We've heard of open adoption relationships in which the visits, or the texts, or the emails, etc lessen over time.  This is understandable... life circumstances occur.  People get busy, they may move farther away from one another, or in some cases, frequent visits or contacts can often be a painful reminder of a birth parent's loss.

We love that our relationship with Tommy's birth parents has remained as close as ever.  We find it takes open and genuine communication, as well as a child-centered approach- whatever happens to us in our lives, we are bonded by a shared love for our child.  It's not about us, but about him. Our relationship is only closer now, with the addition of Tommy's birth sister.

We've already made plans to get together again real soon!   

Time flies when you're having fun!

Ten years ago today, we stood before our families and friends, declaring our love for one another and vowing to be true to one another through all of life's joys and challenges.  Year after year, we have stood by our promises.  We have felt our love strengthen and our happiness grow with each new adventure!  Having Tommy in our lives has been the most amazing gift... and we're so excited to see our family grow!  

What to say: To share or not to share

The other day, we took Tommy to a craft show.  He loved looking at all the crafts- knitted blankets, crocheted stuffed animals, wooden toys... tons of stuff he would have loved to take home!  At one point, we were approached by a woman, who made the comment, "Wow, your son is beautiful!  He looks a lot more like Daddy than Mommy though."

As you may know us, or see from our pictures, Mike and Tommy are Caucasian and Kit is Asian/Pacific Islander. In adoption, and especially in transracial/transcultural adoption, comments or questions like this may occur quite frequently.

*****
We are proud of our identity as an adoptive family; and oftentimes when comments like this arise, we will briefly share that Tommy came into our lives through open adoption.  We want to teach Tommy, through example, that we are proud of our story and are comfortable talking about the way in which we became a family.  In many cases, when people hear that our family was formed through adoption, they begin to share how a friend or family member has been touched by adoption!

While our family has been touched by adoption, we're also simply a family.  Depending on the interaction, there are many times when we simply acknowledge a comment, thank someone for their compliment, and move along... adoption does not even become a part of the conversation.  As much as we want to teach our children to be comfortable talking about adoption, we also want them to know that their lives are not open books, that their adoption stories are theirs and they can choose to share this or not with others.

*****
But back to our story at the craft show...

So in this particular situation, we elected to share.  Kit said to the woman, "He is a cutie, isn't he?  He looks just like his birth parents."

Her response surprised us, "Oh, didn't you want your own?"
*****

There is still a certain naivete around adoption.  Even through taking adoption classes and having many conversations with others around adoption, there are still certain terms and phrases surrounding adoption that create an internal yucky feeling.  We'll list a few here:

your own- used to differentiate between biological children and those who have been adopted
give up- used to describe relinquishment or termination of parental rights
real parent- used to describe a birth parent

You can learn more about positive adoption language here: Adoptive Families Magazine
*****

Again, back to our story at the craft show...

After a brief pause (mainly to manage that yucky feeling), Mike responded to the woman's "didn't you want your own" comment with, "I gotta tell ya, infertility was probably the best thing that ever happened to us... it brought us this little guy."

The woman smiled and said, "Yes, you all look very happy."

And she's right... we are very happy...

Happy Father's Day

For every child that is adopted, there is a birth mother AND birth father, who are a part of that child's story.  Sadly, birth fathers are often overlooked.  As far as we are aware, there is not a celebrated Birth Father's Day... and birth fathers are rarely mentioned, even in adoption circles.  Our son's birth father, M, was actively involved in the adoption plan and, just like Tommy's birth mother, remains very much a party of our lives, our family.  On Father's Day, we will spend the day enjoying our son and celebrating all the fathers in our life... Mike (obviously!), our Dads, Kit's brother-in-law, and of course, M, who helped make it possible for Mike to be a father!  Happy Father's Day!           

Gearing up for summer...

Wow, it's been awhile since we last posted to our blog!  Time has just been flying!  Spring and summer are such fun times... it's been days filled with swimming, barbecuing, jumping on the trampoline, biking, and a little bit of relaxing too!  Tommy recently caught his first foul ball at the ballgame... although it was more like Kit running and ducking in the opposite direction, Mike catching the ball, and Tommy laughing the whole time!  Ha!

Tommy's 1st foul ball!

In the coming weeks, we're hoping to make a trip to the family cottage in Canada with Mike's family.  This is always a great time.  The lake is just so beautiful and peaceful... the perfect weekend getaway!  Since Tommy is a bit bigger this year, we're thinking maybe he'll get to try out fishing and take a ride in the canoe.

At our friends' cottage

We're already making plans for the second annual luau party at our home.  Lolo cooks a roast pig Filipino style and its a real treat for all our friends and family!  We'll also be celebrating our 10 year wedding anniversary and Lola's big 70th Birthday bash!  So much to look forward to!

Swimming...

Despite our busy-ness, we've continued to do a lot of adoption networking through this blog, our FB page, and Twitter.  We've already met a couple wonderful expectant parents, in addition to many supportive individuals just wanting to learn more about us and adoption in general!  We've appreciated all the help and support... and we know our baby will come to our family when it's the right time!