Last night we spoke at a meeting for waiting adoptive families at our adoption agency, Adoption STAR. We are part of a wonderful support group there called SOFIA (Supporting Our Families Interested in Adoption); and we were there, along with other adoptive families, to answer questions and to share our adoption experiences with families of the agency waiting to adopt.
We always enjoy these chances to share our story and to support others through the adoption process. We remember the first time going through this, there was so much excitement and hopefulness, but also moments of uncertainty and frustration. As an adoptive family AND a waiting adoptive family again, it was especially helpful for us. We had a chance to share our positive experiences with open adoption, the occasional challenges of transracial adoption, and offered tips on private networking. We learned a lot from others too! In listening to the other families, we're reminded how everyone's story and journey to adoption is so different, but also so uniquely beautiful! We left feeling recharged and ready for whatever is ahead of us!
Friday, September 21, 2012
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Transracial adoption: tolerance and adoption education
As children have been returning to school, several of the adoption blogs and websites that we frequent have been talking about tolerance and educating children (and adults as well!) about adoption. Like most adoptive families, we regularly field questions and comments about adoption. Having adopted transracially, there is a tendency for our family to draw some added attention and for comments or questions to occur quite frequently while in public.
Most of the time, people are merely curious or simply want to know more about our adoption experience, but other times comments can be offensive or hurtful. For those who read this blog, we recently wrote about the family reunion on Kit's side of the family. Kit also posted pictures on Facebook.
Under this picture of Tommy lined up by age with his cousins, a friend of a friend of a friend on Facebook commented:
"lmao random ass white boy at the end lmfao!!!"
Yes, this was a publicly posted comment!! While it is true that Tommy looks different from his cousins (who by the way, are all of different cultural backgrounds- Pacific Islander, Asian, Hispanic), the comment that he is "random" implies that he is separate or apart from his family, that he somehow does not belong because his skin color does not match his cousins'. It's also disturbing that our son is referred to as a "random a** white boy"... he's only 2 years old!!
It's difficult knowing that this will likely not be the last time that our son is singled out as different or that his adoption will be viewed as a negative. We try to deal with these issues tactfully, which truthfully, can be challenging when those Mama and Papa Bear buttons get pushed! We certainly may look different, but our love is as strong as any family's. We are a real family. There's nothing wrong or weird about the fact that Tommy and Mommy have different skin tones or that Tommy doesn't quite look like Daddy. We want to educate Tommy, and any other children we may have, about tolerance and the different types of families that are out there, whether this be an adoptive family, blended family, one with two dads or two moms, etc. We regularly read Tommy books about adoption, several of which address transracial adoption. Some of our favorites are "A Mother For Choco" by Keiko Kasza, "A Blessing from Above" by Patti Henderson, "I Wished for You: An Adoption Story" by Marianne Richmond, and "The Family Book" by Todd Parr.
Adoption STAR: Our adoption agency recently wrote an article about educating school aged children about adoption.
"Rage Against the Minivan": Kristen blogs about a recent experience with her son. She offers good insights and provides some good reading material about positive adoption language.
Most of the time, people are merely curious or simply want to know more about our adoption experience, but other times comments can be offensive or hurtful. For those who read this blog, we recently wrote about the family reunion on Kit's side of the family. Kit also posted pictures on Facebook.
Under this picture of Tommy lined up by age with his cousins, a friend of a friend of a friend on Facebook commented:
"lmao random ass white boy at the end lmfao!!!"
Yes, this was a publicly posted comment!! While it is true that Tommy looks different from his cousins (who by the way, are all of different cultural backgrounds- Pacific Islander, Asian, Hispanic), the comment that he is "random" implies that he is separate or apart from his family, that he somehow does not belong because his skin color does not match his cousins'. It's also disturbing that our son is referred to as a "random a** white boy"... he's only 2 years old!!
It's difficult knowing that this will likely not be the last time that our son is singled out as different or that his adoption will be viewed as a negative. We try to deal with these issues tactfully, which truthfully, can be challenging when those Mama and Papa Bear buttons get pushed! We certainly may look different, but our love is as strong as any family's. We are a real family. There's nothing wrong or weird about the fact that Tommy and Mommy have different skin tones or that Tommy doesn't quite look like Daddy. We want to educate Tommy, and any other children we may have, about tolerance and the different types of families that are out there, whether this be an adoptive family, blended family, one with two dads or two moms, etc. We regularly read Tommy books about adoption, several of which address transracial adoption. Some of our favorites are "A Mother For Choco" by Keiko Kasza, "A Blessing from Above" by Patti Henderson, "I Wished for You: An Adoption Story" by Marianne Richmond, and "The Family Book" by Todd Parr.
Below are links to blogs and resources to help educate families and educators about adoption.
Adoption STAR: Our adoption agency recently wrote an article about educating school aged children about adoption.
"Rage Against the Minivan": Kristen blogs about a recent experience with her son. She offers good insights and provides some good reading material about positive adoption language.
Adoptive Families Magazine: This page contains information to share with children and educators about adoption.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Birthdays and family reunions
The house seems so quiet the last couple days, after an awesome Labor Day weekend with friends and out-of-town family. This past weekend, we celebrated the 70th Birthday of Kit's Mom! Family came in from Illinois, Florida, Virginia, and downstate to surprise her! Lola (the Filipino term for Grandma) was so excited to see everyone. We laughed, played, and enjoyed our togetherness, but also reflected on the loss of those who were unable to be with us. Kit recently lost a wonderful Aunt and her presence was certainly noticed and missed.
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| Poolside with the family |
Many of the out-of-towners stayed at our place- 18 people in total including us, 7 of whom were kids!! People were in bedrooms, on couches, in sleeping bags, wherever... it didn't seem to matter, just that we were all together!
Tommy had a blast playing with his cousins. The day after everyone left, he said, "where everybody go?" We feel so fortunate that Tommy is able to enjoy these large family gatherings. Growing up, we each loved taking road trips to Chicago or Virginia Beach or Toronto to visit our families; and it's great to be able to share these special family moments with our son. We're already planning another big reunion for next summer and hopefully some smaller trips before that!
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| The next generation of cousins |
The family is one of nature's masterpieces.
- George Santayana
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