Most of the time, people are merely curious or simply want to know more about our adoption experience, but other times comments can be offensive or hurtful. For those who read this blog, we recently wrote about the family reunion on Kit's side of the family. Kit also posted pictures on Facebook.
Under this picture of Tommy lined up by age with his cousins, a friend of a friend of a friend on Facebook commented:
"lmao random ass white boy at the end lmfao!!!"
Yes, this was a publicly posted comment!! While it is true that Tommy looks different from his cousins (who by the way, are all of different cultural backgrounds- Pacific Islander, Asian, Hispanic), the comment that he is "random" implies that he is separate or apart from his family, that he somehow does not belong because his skin color does not match his cousins'. It's also disturbing that our son is referred to as a "random a** white boy"... he's only 2 years old!!
It's difficult knowing that this will likely not be the last time that our son is singled out as different or that his adoption will be viewed as a negative. We try to deal with these issues tactfully, which truthfully, can be challenging when those Mama and Papa Bear buttons get pushed! We certainly may look different, but our love is as strong as any family's. We are a real family. There's nothing wrong or weird about the fact that Tommy and Mommy have different skin tones or that Tommy doesn't quite look like Daddy. We want to educate Tommy, and any other children we may have, about tolerance and the different types of families that are out there, whether this be an adoptive family, blended family, one with two dads or two moms, etc. We regularly read Tommy books about adoption, several of which address transracial adoption. Some of our favorites are "A Mother For Choco" by Keiko Kasza, "A Blessing from Above" by Patti Henderson, "I Wished for You: An Adoption Story" by Marianne Richmond, and "The Family Book" by Todd Parr.
Below are links to blogs and resources to help educate families and educators about adoption.
Adoption STAR: Our adoption agency recently wrote an article about educating school aged children about adoption.
"Rage Against the Minivan": Kristen blogs about a recent experience with her son. She offers good insights and provides some good reading material about positive adoption language.
Adoptive Families Magazine: This page contains information to share with children and educators about adoption.
He'll certainly have to deal with his fair share of being "different." But the great thing is, since you guys are so open with him, he'll always be so much more openhearted and compassionate with others who are outside the norm. A comment like the one posted about him is never justified and kind of scary, but hopefully there is a chance here for that person to become more informed and maybe more thoughtful about his/her assumptions. I remember looking at that picture and thinking how huge your family is and excited for the time when you guys get to add another little one to the brood. I should send you a picture of our cousin picture. No one "matches." ;)
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