Open Adoption: So your son knows who his birth parents are...?

Yes!

People are often surprised to learn that we have a continued relationship with our son's birth parents, A and M.  Honestly, when we first began the adoption process, we knew little of what is referred to as an open adoption, or one in which the birth family and adopted child enjoy an ongoing personal relationship; and initially the prospect was intimidating.  Everyone has some horror story or saw some movie on TV about these types of situations going awry.  In learning more about adoption, and in developing a close and meaningful relationship with our son's birth parents, open adoption just made sense.  We want our son to grow up knowing his history and knowing that he is loved by so many people in his life.

Openness in adoption means different things to different families based on what feels comfortable and what makes the most sense for all members of the adoption triad.  This may mean exchanges of letters and pictures, emails, connections via social media, visits at the adoption agency, independent meetings determined by the birth family and adoptive family, etc.  We enjoy what is considered a "fully open" relationship with our son's birth parents.  For us, that means exchanges of letters and pictures, Facebook friendships, several visits per year (holidays, Birth mothers' Day, our son's birthday), many impromptu get-togethers, texts, and phone calls.  Tommy also sees a set of his birth grandparents and other members of his birth family with some frequency.  Soon we will celebrate with Tommy's birth parents in welcoming their new baby into the world... another reason why open adoption makes so much sense... Tommy will know and have an ongoing relationship with his birth sibling!

Obviously, we cannot promise the same relationship with another birth parent, as relationships vary in closeness and comfortability; and it certainly took time to develop the kind of close and trusting relationship we have with A and M and their families.  However, we would love to have an ongoing relationship if that is something that a birth parent would be comfortable with.  We recognize that situations occur and relationships change over time; and we would respect times when a birth parent may want more or less contact depending on the circumstances.

If you would like to learn more about Open Adoption, The American Association of Open Adoption Agencies (AAOAA) is a good resource to learn more about open adoption.