We could all use support!

Last night we spoke at a meeting for waiting adoptive families at our adoption agency, Adoption STAR. We are part of a wonderful support group there called SOFIA (Supporting Our Families Interested in Adoption); and we were there, along with other adoptive families, to answer questions and to share our adoption experiences with families of the agency waiting to adopt.

We always enjoy these chances to share our story and to support others through the adoption process. We remember the first time going through this, there was so much excitement and hopefulness, but also moments of uncertainty and frustration.  As an adoptive family AND a waiting adoptive family again, it was especially helpful for us. We had a chance to share our positive experiences with open adoption, the occasional challenges of transracial adoption, and offered tips on private networking.  We learned a lot from others too! In listening to the other families, we're reminded how everyone's story and journey to adoption is so different, but also so uniquely beautiful! We left feeling recharged and ready for whatever is ahead of us!

Transracial adoption: tolerance and adoption education

As children have been returning to school, several of the adoption blogs and websites that we frequent have been talking about tolerance and educating children (and adults as well!) about adoption.  Like most adoptive families, we regularly field questions and comments about adoption.  Having adopted transracially, there is a tendency for our family to draw some added attention and for comments or questions to occur quite frequently while in public.

Most of the time, people are merely curious or simply want to know more about our adoption experience, but other times comments can be offensive or hurtful.  For those who read this blog, we recently wrote about the family reunion on Kit's side of the family.  Kit also posted pictures on Facebook.

Under this picture of Tommy lined up by age with his cousins, a friend of a friend of a friend on Facebook commented:

"lmao random ass white boy at the end lmfao!!!"

Yes, this was a publicly posted comment!! While it is true that Tommy looks different from his cousins (who by the way, are all of different cultural backgrounds- Pacific Islander, Asian, Hispanic), the comment that he is "random" implies that he is separate or apart from his family, that he somehow does not belong because his skin color does not match his cousins'.  It's also disturbing that our son is referred to as a "random a** white boy"... he's only 2 years old!!

It's difficult knowing that this will likely not be the last time that our son is singled out as different or that his adoption will be viewed as a negative. We try to deal with these issues tactfully, which truthfully, can be challenging when those Mama and Papa Bear buttons get pushed! We certainly may look different, but our love is as strong as any family's. We are a real family. There's nothing wrong or weird about the fact that Tommy and Mommy have different skin tones or that Tommy doesn't quite look like Daddy. We want to educate Tommy, and any other children we may have, about tolerance and the different types of families that are out there, whether this be an adoptive family, blended family, one with two dads or two moms, etc. We regularly read Tommy books about adoption, several of which address transracial adoption. Some of our favorites are "A Mother For Choco" by Keiko Kasza, "A Blessing from Above" by Patti Henderson, "I Wished for You: An Adoption Story" by Marianne Richmond, and "The Family Book" by Todd Parr.

Below are links to blogs and resources to help educate families and educators about adoption.    

Adoption STAR: Our adoption agency recently wrote an article about educating school aged children about adoption.

"Rage Against the Minivan": Kristen blogs about a recent experience with her son.  She offers good insights and provides some good reading material about positive adoption language.

Adoptive Families Magazine: This page contains information to share with children and educators about adoption.

Birthdays and family reunions

The house seems so quiet the last couple days, after an awesome Labor Day weekend with friends and out-of-town family.  This past weekend, we celebrated the 70th Birthday of Kit's Mom!  Family came in from Illinois, Florida, Virginia, and downstate to surprise her!  Lola (the Filipino term for Grandma) was so excited to see everyone.  We laughed, played, and enjoyed our togetherness, but also reflected on the loss of those who were unable to be with us.  Kit recently lost a wonderful Aunt and her presence was certainly noticed and missed.

Poolside with the family

Many of the out-of-towners stayed at our place- 18 people in total including us, 7 of whom were kids!!  People were in bedrooms, on couches, in sleeping bags, wherever... it didn't seem to matter, just that we were all together!      

Tommy had a blast playing with his cousins.  The day after everyone left, he said, "where everybody go?"  We feel so fortunate that Tommy is able to enjoy these large family gatherings.  Growing up, we each loved taking road trips to Chicago or Virginia Beach or Toronto to visit our families; and it's great to be able to share these special family moments with our son.  We're already planning another big reunion for next summer and hopefully some smaller trips before that!

The next generation of cousins

The family is one of nature's masterpieces.

- George Santayana

Winding down the summer. Staycation? Nope, not us!!

Last weekend, we had what has now become a tradition at our place- our second annual luau and pig roast!  Kit's Dad acquired a Cajun roasting oven from New Orleans some years ago and he has perfected the art of roasting whole pork!  Throw in some appetizers, side dishes, and some awesome friends and family... and it's just a great celebration to start winding down the summer.  Last year, many of our friends' children were still in strollers and car seats.  This year, it was fun to see them running around the yard and playing along with Tommy on the swingset or in the sandbox.  There were also several new babies, which is always so much fun to see!  We had such a good time!

Lolo and Lola: The Chef and his assistant!

On Sunday, we spent an afternoon with Kit's parents and her sister's family out in the country, where Kit's parents have some farmland.  Our nieces and nephews really like watching "Ninja Warrior;" and they've been setting up their own obstacle courses during the summer.  Tommy had fun trying out the suspended balance beam, but he really loved running through the cornfield (thank goodness he didn't get lost!) and catching grasshoppers and crickets with Lolo!

Hiking with Lola

Picking Corn

We took the rest of the week off, thinking we would just take a Staycation at home.  However, we decided last minute to spend the week up at Mike's family cottage.  We're so glad we did!  The weather was sunny and warm every day... perfect for swimming, boat rides, and fishing!   Mike's Mom came up with us and had fun hiking and paddle-boating with Tommy.

Yay we made it!

Mike and Tommy fishing

Going for a boat ride

Paddle boating with Grandma

The view from the dock

Relaxing on the dock

Canoeing

This week reminded us of how grateful we are for our family and friends.  They've been so supportive of us through everything.... and they're just really fun to be around too!  We know we will be surrounded by so much love when another child comes into our lives.            

Featured Family!

Throughout our adoption journeys, we have met some wonderfully supportive individuals, some who we've met online through Twitter, Facebook, or other adoption forums.  We were recently interviewed by Kathryn, a birth mother and adoption advocate, who blogs about her experience with open adoption.  She periodically spotlights adoptive families and those hoping to adopt; and she featured us on her blog!  Check it out!

Kathryn's Blog: Letters To My Baby Boy 
Kathryn's Twitter Feed: @Letters2BabyBoy

Congrats!

Congratulations to Reese Hoffa, U.S. Olympic shot-putter, on his Bronze medal!!  

Reese was adopted at the age of 5 years; and in 2000, he was reunited with his birth mother, who remains an important part of his life.  Reese is an outspoken advocate for open adoption.

Learn More About Him:

Washington Post: "American shot putter Reese Hoffa takes bronze at London Olympics"

Official Website: ReeseHoffa.com 

The Cottage

We spent this past long weekend up in Canada, at the cottage.  The cottage has been in Mike's family for several decades.  Mike and his brother spent many summers there growing up and the cottage has become a very special place for us over the years.  It was where Mike proposed to Kit and it is just a wonderful place to relax, swim, hike, fish, stargaze... you name it!  We also have many family gatherings at the cottage; and this weekend was no different.  It was great to catch up with aunts, uncles, and cousins.

We're so excited to be able to share the cottage experience with Tommy!  Last year, the cottage was still a bit much for Tommy to manage, but this year, being the busy and curious toddler he is, the cottage was right up his alley!  Tommy was excited to "go camping," to sleep in a tent, use his own sleeping bag, and catch his first fish with his new fishing pole!  The weather was perfect and we enjoyed splashing in the water, paddle boating (Tommy steered "like Captain Hook"), and getting out on the boat.  Mike even got in a bit of wakeboarding, while Kit worked on her tan!

Evenings were spent by the campfire talking, listening to music, and having S'mores of course!  We were actually surprised that Tommy isn't a big S'mores fan... so Mommy and Daddy had to make the sacrifice and eat his!  Ha!

Going for a boat ride!

It's always a bit hard to come home, but we're looking forward to another trip up there soon!