Featured Family!

Throughout our adoption journeys, we have met some wonderfully supportive individuals, some who we've met online through Twitter, Facebook, or other adoption forums.  We were recently interviewed by Kathryn, a birth mother and adoption advocate, who blogs about her experience with open adoption.  She periodically spotlights adoptive families and those hoping to adopt; and she featured us on her blog!  Check it out!

Kathryn's Blog: Letters To My Baby Boy 
Kathryn's Twitter Feed: @Letters2BabyBoy

Congrats!

Congratulations to Reese Hoffa, U.S. Olympic shot-putter, on his Bronze medal!!  

Reese was adopted at the age of 5 years; and in 2000, he was reunited with his birth mother, who remains an important part of his life.  Reese is an outspoken advocate for open adoption.

Learn More About Him:

Washington Post: "American shot putter Reese Hoffa takes bronze at London Olympics"

Official Website: ReeseHoffa.com 

The Cottage

We spent this past long weekend up in Canada, at the cottage.  The cottage has been in Mike's family for several decades.  Mike and his brother spent many summers there growing up and the cottage has become a very special place for us over the years.  It was where Mike proposed to Kit and it is just a wonderful place to relax, swim, hike, fish, stargaze... you name it!  We also have many family gatherings at the cottage; and this weekend was no different.  It was great to catch up with aunts, uncles, and cousins.

We're so excited to be able to share the cottage experience with Tommy!  Last year, the cottage was still a bit much for Tommy to manage, but this year, being the busy and curious toddler he is, the cottage was right up his alley!  Tommy was excited to "go camping," to sleep in a tent, use his own sleeping bag, and catch his first fish with his new fishing pole!  The weather was perfect and we enjoyed splashing in the water, paddle boating (Tommy steered "like Captain Hook"), and getting out on the boat.  Mike even got in a bit of wakeboarding, while Kit worked on her tan!

Evenings were spent by the campfire talking, listening to music, and having S'mores of course!  We were actually surprised that Tommy isn't a big S'mores fan... so Mommy and Daddy had to make the sacrifice and eat his!  Ha!

Going for a boat ride!

It's always a bit hard to come home, but we're looking forward to another trip up there soon!  

Good times over hot dogs and ice cream...

Tonight, Tommy's birth parents and birth sister came over to our house for an impromptu dinner- hot dogs, potato salad, spring greens, and ice cream... the perfect summer meal!  Ha!  With A and M adjusting to life with Baby A, and with our crazy schedules this summer, it's been hard to find a time to get together... but we finally got a chance tonight!  Tommy was very excited all day, telling his cousins, "[A and M] coming for dinner... and baby too!"

It was so great to catch up and to see the kids together.  Tommy was so sweet with Baby A, patting her on the tummy and wanting to kiss and hug her!  A and M got a kick out of comparing and contrasting the children's temperaments and habits.  Tommy and Baby A seem to have some similarities, but also many unique qualities that make them each so special.  It will be so neat to see their relationship grow!

We feel so fortunate to have the relationship we do with Tommy's birth family.  As in any relationship, there are no rules and the dynamics are always shifting and changing.  We've heard of open adoption relationships in which the visits, or the texts, or the emails, etc lessen over time.  This is understandable... life circumstances occur.  People get busy, they may move farther away from one another, or in some cases, frequent visits or contacts can often be a painful reminder of a birth parent's loss.

We love that our relationship with Tommy's birth parents has remained as close as ever.  We find it takes open and genuine communication, as well as a child-centered approach- whatever happens to us in our lives, we are bonded by a shared love for our child.  It's not about us, but about him. Our relationship is only closer now, with the addition of Tommy's birth sister.

We've already made plans to get together again real soon!   

Time flies when you're having fun!

Ten years ago today, we stood before our families and friends, declaring our love for one another and vowing to be true to one another through all of life's joys and challenges.  Year after year, we have stood by our promises.  We have felt our love strengthen and our happiness grow with each new adventure!  Having Tommy in our lives has been the most amazing gift... and we're so excited to see our family grow!  

What to say: To share or not to share

The other day, we took Tommy to a craft show.  He loved looking at all the crafts- knitted blankets, crocheted stuffed animals, wooden toys... tons of stuff he would have loved to take home!  At one point, we were approached by a woman, who made the comment, "Wow, your son is beautiful!  He looks a lot more like Daddy than Mommy though."

As you may know us, or see from our pictures, Mike and Tommy are Caucasian and Kit is Asian/Pacific Islander. In adoption, and especially in transracial/transcultural adoption, comments or questions like this may occur quite frequently.

*****
We are proud of our identity as an adoptive family; and oftentimes when comments like this arise, we will briefly share that Tommy came into our lives through open adoption.  We want to teach Tommy, through example, that we are proud of our story and are comfortable talking about the way in which we became a family.  In many cases, when people hear that our family was formed through adoption, they begin to share how a friend or family member has been touched by adoption!

While our family has been touched by adoption, we're also simply a family.  Depending on the interaction, there are many times when we simply acknowledge a comment, thank someone for their compliment, and move along... adoption does not even become a part of the conversation.  As much as we want to teach our children to be comfortable talking about adoption, we also want them to know that their lives are not open books, that their adoption stories are theirs and they can choose to share this or not with others.

*****
But back to our story at the craft show...

So in this particular situation, we elected to share.  Kit said to the woman, "He is a cutie, isn't he?  He looks just like his birth parents."

Her response surprised us, "Oh, didn't you want your own?"
*****

There is still a certain naivete around adoption.  Even through taking adoption classes and having many conversations with others around adoption, there are still certain terms and phrases surrounding adoption that create an internal yucky feeling.  We'll list a few here:

your own- used to differentiate between biological children and those who have been adopted
give up- used to describe relinquishment or termination of parental rights
real parent- used to describe a birth parent

You can learn more about positive adoption language here: Adoptive Families Magazine
*****

Again, back to our story at the craft show...

After a brief pause (mainly to manage that yucky feeling), Mike responded to the woman's "didn't you want your own" comment with, "I gotta tell ya, infertility was probably the best thing that ever happened to us... it brought us this little guy."

The woman smiled and said, "Yes, you all look very happy."

And she's right... we are very happy...

Happy Father's Day

For every child that is adopted, there is a birth mother AND birth father, who are a part of that child's story.  Sadly, birth fathers are often overlooked.  As far as we are aware, there is not a celebrated Birth Father's Day... and birth fathers are rarely mentioned, even in adoption circles.  Our son's birth father, M, was actively involved in the adoption plan and, just like Tommy's birth mother, remains very much a party of our lives, our family.  On Father's Day, we will spend the day enjoying our son and celebrating all the fathers in our life... Mike (obviously!), our Dads, Kit's brother-in-law, and of course, M, who helped make it possible for Mike to be a father!  Happy Father's Day!